Man, I used to play basketball. I hated it. But I never tried playing while decapitated.
I was kind of good at basketball, due to my tall, lanky frame, but there was something about it I never fully enjoyed. For one thing, it requires a lot of crotch-on-buttocks contact. I’m a perfectly comfortable heterosexual male, but there’s only so much man-ass I can take rubbing on my junk.
The other thing about basketball is I don’t enjoy watching it. The game itself is an individualistic game trying to pass itself off as a team sport. I don’t mean to say there is not a team element to the thing, but so rarely either when I was playing basketball or watching it do I really, truly feel like there is some kind of plan or strategy going on. There is a lot of coordination involved, but I don’t think “strategy” is the right word for, “Just run as fast as you can and dunk it with your tongue out.”
Then there’s the fouls. There is something wrong with a sport where getting a foul is part of the game play, and not a system of punishment to discourage players from acting like idiots. In football, it is INSANELY rare that a coach will order a player to go offsides or facemask an opponent. Doing so costs yards, and they need every yard they can get.
Smacking a dude in the face in basketball means that guy might make some free-throws. Whoop. Dee. Doo. First of all, it’s not a guarantee. He could miss. Second of all, there are soooo many points scored in basketball, a few more here or there don’t matter. Sure, yes, a few points in basketball can change the game if it’s close, but it’s not often that happens.
Basketball encourages their players to whack each other. But the audience is not treated to glorious, bloody fighting like in hockey. Nope. Instead, you get two huge, grown men whining like babies, holding their elbows about how, honest, the guy on the other team brushed him the wrong way. Basketball players end up coming off as over sized (over payed) children, spending more time pointing fingers at each other than actually playing the game.
Want to make basketball interesting to me? Remove fouls all together. Yeah, people will get hurt, but at least they would shut the hell up.
